Why We Didn't End Up Together

It was an early morning train ride, on my way to school when someone showed up behind me while I was waiting for the train to arrive.

It was a familiar face that I actually did not forgot. 

That moment, I was certainly certain that it is far different from what it's used to be before

It was a familiar face... but it's no longer the same rhythm and no longer the same beat

no butterflies, no background musics ,no slow pace and focal point scenarios, no giddy thoughts anymore and from that, I am certain that everything ended up into its proper place. 

We were the best of friends years ago and I ended up losing because I did fell. For me, it is a one sided young love for a teenage version of me. I am vulnerable way back then and I did hoped... yes... I did hoped...a lot, that somehow the equation of him and me could be us... but definitely it was just me... me alone and there is no "us" in the story.

As we go through the train journey that early morning, I actually don't know what to say... and him either. I was looking at him and I'm asking myself, it could have been us but it did not end up as what I have hoped for... Why you and me didn't end up to be "us", why we didn't end up together, we were partners in crime  but we're just stuck here laughing at all the silly things we have done before. While on our way to where we are supposed to go, we were remembering all the things we've gone through as friends way back years when  being him and me is not as complicated as it was now. 

it was a long train ride that I didn't even notice that I was late, oh my! I was late for the first time! anyway!

I was laughing but as I look at him I couldn't help but to feel hurt because honestly he could be everything any woman could asked for, if only I didn't allow him to be with someone who could make him and his heart so hardheaded, he could definitely be someone who is worth having. It will just take the right perspective to see what I am trying to say. I came up to the point blaming all these girls who broke his heart and made him who he is now,pain changes people. He is  different from the partner in crime that I have known. If he is mine, I would never have let his heart broken, but still as I look into him, I could still see a transparent person with pure heart, maybe it will just take the right woman to bring out the best man in him and this time I am hoping not for me to be the right one but I am hoping that he may find the right woman that will bring out the best in him.

I didn't end up being the right one because I let go of you, I could never be enough, it has and will never be me, I'm only just a confidant, the bridge, the shoulder to lean on, I can never have the courage to tell you what I ought to tell way way back years before and I am bound to have the courage to fight for it for the right love, for the person who is meant to be with me for the right reason, in God's perfect time.  And you, you were meant to be with the best person for you (definitely not me) and we are better of being "just friends"

and maybe in this lifetime we are just meant to be "partners in crime" and not "partners for life"

you will always be my best friend, in this lifetime and the next lifetimes to come.

'til the next laughter and train ride...